Movie Review: The X From Outer Space (1967)

The X From Outer Space (1967) was one of many kaiju-eiga (strange beast)/science fiction films released in Japan during the monster boom of the sixties. It is a seriously goofy movie. Do NOT even think about trying to find a proper rationale for anything that goes on in this film! Just sit back and enjoy the goofiness!

Several mission to Mars have gone missing with all hands lost, so the spaceship AAB-Gamma is being sent out to investigate. The crew encounters a fuzzy UFO that the comm officer notes as looking like a fried egg that impedes them a little, mainly forcing them to waste some fuel, and the ship's doctor comes down with an illness, and head for the moonbase instead. There's some romantic entanglements with the Captain, the biologist and a lady on the moonbase. The doctor on the base is forced onto the AAB-Gamma, and they again run into the UFO on their way to Mars. This time, they turn back after wasting more fuel and discovering a strange foamy substance on the outside of the ship, along with egg-like spores, one of which they take with them back to Earth.

The crew and some of the staff had a dinner party, which is interrupted by the obligatory call from the lab - the substance is missing and there's a hole in the floor ... and a track on the floor that looks like a big chicken! The four of the crew head out to a party in Hakone when the power goes out and a strange-looking  (and I mean strange - look at the picture!) monster pops out of the ground and starts on a rampage. They fairly quickly (y'know, around noon the next day) deduce that this is what escaped from the lab and they name the deely-boppered creature Guilala.

Lots of cornball destruction of the Tokyo landscape, some dams, and some tanks and planes (of course) follow. The scientists reason that perhaps that mysterious foamy substance might be a defense against Guilala, so the AAB-Gamma takes to the skies once again. The new substance, Guilalanium, sucks up energy and radiation, making it difficult for the ship to return home, since it interferes with communications and controls. They manage to find a way to shield it and, after another UFO encounter in which they are buzzed by the flying egg (and not much else), get the Guilalanium back to Earth in time to prevent Guilala from destroying the entire island. A poignant choice in the romance department and "The End" flashes on the screen.

A clip from The X From Outer Space (1967)

This was the first monster movie produced by the Shochiku Film Studio, and while it had none of the polish you would find with a Toho Production or the early Daiei Gamera films, it was still an enjoyable film. There's a lot of goofiness, with the comm officer trying hard to be the comic relief, the monster itself being just the strangest thing they could've come up with, and the quaintness of the special effects. You don't notice a lot of wires, but the buildings tend to fall apart like gingerbread houses. The design of the AAB-Gamma space ship is very interesting though; looking a lot like some sort of modified submarine and not the usual rocket/missile-shaped craft of the era.

But one of the hallmarks of being a kaiju eiga fan is to look at a movie in a Japanese manner: If the story is worth telling, you can overlook flaws in the presentation. The X From Outer Space was a tale worth telling, so I find I can quite easily enjoy it with those flaws; in fact, like a lot of films, you can enjoy it more with the flaws.

AVAILABLE ON AMAZON.COM FOR THE KINDLE

THE MONSTER QUIZ BOOK

By Rich Meyer

If you like monsters, giant-sized, human-sized or any size, then this is the quiz e-book for you! Godzilla, Gamera, Frankenstein, the Creature, the Mummy, Dracula ... nearly every creature that's tried to scare the pants off you gets a shout out in this one!

US SITE: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B005QRPTJE

UK SITE: https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B005QRPTJE

CA SITE: https://www.amazon.ca/dp/B005QRPTJE

DE SITE: https://www.amazon.de/dp/B005QRPTJE

Review: Doctor Who "Nightmare in Silver" SPOILERS ABOUND

Okay, the latest episode of Doctor Who, while having a few excellent points on the plus side, really emphasizes the descent of the show into being a children's TV show again, rather than an actual science fiction program.

First the good stuff: Warrick Davis. You can't go wrong with Warrick Davis. And a couple of the special effects were good, though the sound editor didn't do a good job. How could that twit of a kid have screamed like she did if the Cyberman was moving at that speed? She wouldn't have even noticed until she was halfway down the hall.

And the final good point: The Cybermen, of course. They weren't all that scary to viewers, I don't think, but in the concept of the story, they were played to good effect, especially giving them an element of deviousness they hadn't really had before.

But the episode also went a little overboard on turning the Cybermen into the Borg. The partial conversions, the facial implements on the Doctor and Webley, even the mental combat all screamed "Borg" to me. The Cybermen could possibly have been an inspiration to the Star Trek: The Next Generation creators for the Borg, but this is such a blatant swipe.

Also, I think the writers should have maybe watch a few episodes of the original series, as I could've sworn that gold only messed up a Cyberman's respiration unit. Why touching a piece of foil to part of an implement would do anything is beyond me, at most a minor short circuit, I would think.

And now we come to the bane of the episode: The two kids. One kid, no problem. But two? Now you're pandering to the kid demographic and you officially have a kid's TV show. The mere fact that the Doctor would consider taking them along in the TARDIS, especially in a storyline where he is trying to erase his presence from history, is absurd. I suppose you can laugh it off because of his obsession with their governess, but it is lame no matter how you look at it. This is THE DOCTOR, not a babysitter. At least the initial process of turning them into Cybermen shut them up for a good portion of the episode.

Much like the previous episode, this one had a lot going for it, but stopped itself short of being a properly good episode. This one certainly did not feel like it was written by someone of the calibre of Neil Gaiman.  I suppose even the great ones phone one in now and again.

I don't hold out much hope for the next episode either, with the pointless answering of the "Question That Must Not Be Answered" either. In fact, I don't hold out much hope for the series until both Matt Smith and Stephen Moffat quit the show.

I'm still hoping that the entire Eleventh Doctor saga is some odd alternate universe that will resolve itself and disappear from the collective memory next episode or on the 50th Anniversary Special.

Comic Book Reviews - May 7th, 2013

As yesterday was a DC fest of reviews, today is all Marvel, primarily "Marvel Now" books.

The second Dark Avengers comic book is a spin-off from both the "Dark Reign" mega-event and the last Thunderbolts book. The team features corollaries to some of the most popular Avengers: USAgent for Captain America, Skaar for Hulk, Ragnarok for Thor, Trickshot for Hawkeye, Toxie Doxie for Scarlet Witch, Moonstone for Captain/Ms. Marvel, and Ai Apaec for Spider-Man. The current storyline has them in an alternate universe in which New York City is divided into gang and tribe-style territories run by Dr. Strange, Iron Man Mr. Fantastic, the Thing, and Spider-Man, following a major battle that resulted in the deaths of Hulk and Thor. There's some fairly good scripting and artwork in this one, and the story and characterization is fun to read. Moonstone constantly being forced to dress up as Ms. Marvel (something begun by Norman Osborne in the original Dark Avengers series) provides a little comic relief. The use of a character like Ragnarok, which I would've normally thought of as just a throwaway bit for Civil War is an interesting touch, as is the unique way Toxie Doxie gives John Walker (USAgent) back his mobility. This really isn't a top-tier book by any stretch, but it currently reminds me of Exiles, with this strange dystopian verve on the MU. It's definitely worth a read.


Scraping the bottom of the Marvel barrel, we have Nova. Now, this title is a natural, as a tie-in to both the Ultimate Spider-Man animated series and the planned Guardians of the Galaxy movie.  But, unfortunately, this series has none of the fun of the cartoon series, and little of the majesty of what you would hope a GOTG movie would have. We're stuck with Sam Alexander instead of Richard Rider in the Nova Corps gear - a young kid with no experience in using the abilities the uniform gives him. We've got a cameo by the Pointer err the Watcher, and Gamora and Rocket Raccoon stop by with a less-than-inspiring training session for the kid. And issue three brings in the Chitauri, in all their Avengers movie glory. Considering that these were the Marvel Ultimate Universe version of the Skrulls, one wonders what unseen retro-continuity effects these aliens will have played in galactic politics. From their armada, they appeared to have fared much better than their namesakes during the Annihilation Wave. I've read almost everything in Nova before, mostly in the Jaime Reyes incarnations of Blue Beetle. The only difference is that Sam Alexander can take off his helmet and walk away, something I hope rapidly declining sales will make him do soon, so we can get back to a proper Man Called Nova.

I really cannot call myself the biggest X-Men/mutie book fan. I was back in the early days, up until Dave Cockrum left the book the second time. I did manage to be the only person on the planet to trade his copy of X-Men #94 for an issue of Two-Gun Kid (in my defense, it did have a kick-ass pin-up with all of Matt Hawk's gizmos). The X-Men have just grown so exponentially since I started reading them (X-Men #63, if I recall correctly, back in the reprint/nearly-canceled years), and that exponential growth, coupled with the bad artwork of the nineties that other people thought was exceedingly brilliant (even after all the artists went over to Image), left a sour taste in my mouth. The last time I tried any X-book was Grant Morrison's brilliant run on New X-Men. I've started reading the "Marvel Now" versions, in the aftermath of Avengers vs. X-Men, beginning with the excellent Cable vs. X-Force.

Cable's a character I never liked. Much like most of the nineties creations, I saw him as just a bozo with a gun, and usually one the size of a small sofa. The same with Domino, only with smaller guns <insert bad joke here>. But this series has an interesting cast, with Colossus from the proper New Uncanny X-Men, Forge, and golden age Marvel hero Dr. Nemesis. Cable and X-Force are a strike force working save lives by being proactive in trying to make sure Cable's prophetic visions don't come true. From Cable arguing with his daughter Hope (who wants to be involved in all parts of her father's life) to Forge and Dr. Nemesis' video game and giant monster contests, to Domino and Colossus getting a little frisky, this is a wonderfully written book with some great artwork. This is a book any comic fan should at least give a try once. You'll probably be back for more.

Well, to make a post even stranger (at least for me), here's another book for a character I never thought I could recommend. Wolverine has become an interesting character, but somehow his multitude of appearances in nearly every Marvel Comics title, at least as of late, haven't become tiresome. I personally haven't read a Wolvie solo book since the pioneering Chris Claremont-Frank Miller mini-series of the early eighties. I never got into his first on-going series, as the whole "Patch" thing seemed so stupid. But having enjoyed seeing the character in New X-Men and the Avengers titles, I thought I'd give the character another try. Savage Wolverine doesn't disappoint, though the series is more of a off-beat team-up tale (at least so far) instead of a straight Wolverine book. It's set in the Savage Land, with Wolverine, Shanna the She-Devil and and Amadeus Cho trying to find the secret behind an strange island, all for different reason. Frank Cho handles the story and art chores, while Jason Keith gets cover credit for being the colorist (finally at least someone remembers the important job a colorist does on a comic ... y'know they used to be called "four-color comics" for a reason). The tale is fast-moving and action-packed. There's nothing not to recommend about this one.

The latest iteration of the time-honored Bruce Banner is the focus of Indestructible Hulk. Dr. Banner has discovered that his condition, being the Hulk that is, is incurable, and much more like a chronic physical condition like diabetes. He's also become worried about how history will remember him - since other super-intelligent men like Tony Stark and Reed Richards get all the acclaim for using their minds and not their brawn. So he puts forth a proposal to SHIELD Director Maria Hill:  They give Banner the facilities to make scientific miracles come true, and they can use the Hulk as a WMD when needed. A little blackmail helps things along and a trial run against the Mad Thinker in issue #1 gets Banner "hired". Mark Waid is always a great writer, as anyone reading Daredevil nowadays already knows. Leinil Yu, an artist I never heard of before, is very capable and captures the raw power of the Hulk with aplomb. A great book for the Hulk fans, and definitely a more interesting take on the character.

Well, that's all this time around. Next time, some a few more books I think are worth reading, like Masks, and probably a couple that aren't worth buying for your birdcage. We'll see.


AVAILABLE FOR THE AMAZON KINDLE: 

THE MUSIC TRIVIA QUIZ BOOK

By Rich Meyer

Are you the kind of person who wants to rock and roll all night? Enjoy being all out of love? Is Georgia on your mind? Are you the very model of a modern major general?

This quiz e-book features 301 easy-to-navigate trivia questions on music: All genres - rock, country, R&B, classical, opera, alternative and even pop! There's something here for everyone!  Hours of fun for the whole family! Stump your friends! Enrage your enemies! And have a rockin' good time with the Music Trivia Quiz Book!

Amazon US: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00AZ36XEO

Amazon UK: http://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B00AZ36XEO

Comic Book Reviews May 6th, 2013

I've been catching up on my comic book reading for the past couple of weeks, and thought it was time to post a few reviews. We're doing two titles I've mentioned here before, and all three are from DC Comics' current "New 52" continuity.

All Star Western could for the most part have been part of the old DC Universe with only a few tweaks. It is quite possibly one of the top five books being published today. The writing is excellent and the artwork is perfect for the time period. Bounty hunter Jonah Hex has starred in the first nineteen issues, in stories set primarily in 1880's Gotham City, with Dr. Amadeus Arkham, the person who would found the legendary Arkham Asylum, along for the ride. The title features a back-up story set in the same era, highlighting western characters such as El Diablo, the Barbary Ghost, and Bat Lash, as well as a new version of Tomahawk, Dr. Thirteen and an early version of Stormwatch. Justin Gray and Jimmy Palmiotti have captured the essence of the era perfectly in this series. All Star Western is a series that belongs on everyone's comic pull list.

The biggest disappointment in the "New 52" for me so far has been Justice League. This book is supposed to be the flagship title of the company, but it comes off as the same-old, same-old. We've seen almost all of these stories before, in one form or another, and the original iterations were much better. The artwork, yes, it's pretty darn good. Jim Lee is the only real original Image graduate that actually improved since those halcyon days of artists who cared little for human anatomy. But the book is severely lacking. The Justice League always seems to be bit players in someone else's story. From the hackneyed origin story with Darkseid to bring Cyborg into the JL fold, to the "Throne of Atlantis" storyline, and the current one, which portends to be a retelling of "Tower of Babel" and the Justice League: Doom animated feature, I find myself not caring about any of these characters. Superman and Wonder Woman getting friendly? Yawn. Batman being nosy and underhanded. Ho-hum. Been there, done that, got the t-shirt. How about having these people act like heroes again, rather than bit players in other sagas or spoiled brats?

Finally we have The Movement, written by fan favorite Gail Simone, noted for stints on Wonder Woman, Batgirl, and several other popular titles. This book is set in Coral City, a previously unknown municipality in the DC Universe. There's a lot of corrupt cops, one cop trying to do his best, a possibly possessed young man who's a serial killer and a bunch of young metahumans. What there isn't is a cohesive story. I've only read the first issue, but nothing in it makes me want to leave the house to look for the second. I have no empathy for anyone in this story. I've read some of Simone's Batgirl issues, and they made sense and were entertaining. If this is how she writes when creating her own characters, then she should stick to established ones. Freddie Williams III provides some interesting art, very reminiscent, at least to me, of some of the art on Rachel Pollack's Doom Patrol run. But it's not interesting enough to shell out money for the next issue.

I'd have to say that, right now, The Movement is the absolute nadir of the "New 52" imprint, even topping Liefeld's Hawk and Dove for that honor.

I'm so proud of myself for not making any obvious puns on the name of that last book.  Next time around, some of the "Marvel Now!" titles, including Dark Avengers, Indestructible Hulk, and Savage Wolverine.

AVAILABLE FOR THE AMAZON KINDLE - FREE TO BORROW FOR AMAZON PRIME USERS: 
1,001 Comic Book Trivia Questions (Comic Book Quiz Book Volume 3)
By Rich Meyer

Here's truth in advertising: 1,001 trivia questions (and answers) about comic books! All genres, hundreds of popular characters, easy ones and stumpers ... hours of family fun!




US SITE: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B007YUL0CQ
UK SITE: http://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B007YUL0CQ

Happy 57th Birthday, Godzilla, King of the Monster!

Since today is the 57th anniversary of the release of Godzilla, King of the Monsters in the US, I decided to pull out a couple of the ol' G-films from my DVD collection.

Godzilla 1985 is basically a direct sequel to GKOTM, and is the first film in the second, or Heisei, era of kaiju films that came out of Japan from 1984 to 1995, and the first Godzilla movie since 1975's Terror of Mechagodzilla. Like the original Gojira, the American release of this film includes Raymond Burr reprising his role as journalist Steve Martin.

Much like the original 1956 movie, Godzilla mysteriously appears (this time during a volcanic eruption) and takes out a fishing boat and soon after a nuclear plant. A scientist has a simple plan to lead Big G from Tokyo using bird noises, but international politics have the Soviet Union launching a missile at Tokyo to deal with the menace. Japan's defense forces take Godzilla down, only to see the radiation from the missile revive him, letting him destroy their new Super X bomber. While there's no Oxygen Destroyer this time around to end Godzilla's rampage, he does get imprisoned in a volcano.


Godzilla vs. Biollante was the first sequel to Godzilla 1985, though it wasn't released until five years later. Godzilla's still safely packed away in Mount Mihara's caldera, but he's awake. A scientist uses some of Godzilla's cells to create an immortal plant creature, in a lopsided attempt to honor his daughter, the victim of a terrorist attack at his lab years earlier. Big G and Biollante engage in your standard fisticuffs a couple of time, but most of the action is out of the suits and in an okay if predictable spy drama going on under the monsters' feet.

These are both pretty okay movies, as far as kaiju flicks of the era are concerned. I think these are two of the last movies I saw to use grainy stock footage to bolster their storylines and running time. Having seen both the American and Japanese version of Godzilla 1985, I sort of prefer the Japanese version simply because it's a lot less jingoistic ... in the original, the Soviet agent is trying to stop the missile from firing, not trying to set it off. The US version does have Raymond Burr, who ends up looking annoyed at the American military officers who call him in as an adviser. They also appear to have a product placement deal with Dr. Pepper...

Biollante was one of the few original monsters in the whole series that weren't really based on a prehistoric creature of some kind. The monster metamorphoses through two distinctive and unique appearances, but a plant is still just a plant and when it isn't fireproof, it isn't much of a challenge for Godzilla to handle. The espionage tale in the background is a lot more effusive than a lot of story segments in between monster brawls, but these are some of the stupidest spies in history. They either try way too hard or give up way too easily.  But at least everyone gets their just desserts at the end.

The highlight of the movie is the introduction of actress Megumi Odaka as the psychic Miki Segusa, who would go on to play an important role in almost all of the Heisei era movies. She's a fresh face, an interesting character and eventually becomes a good foil to several other characters and even Big G himself.



Available for the Amazon Kindle:

The Science Fiction Quiz Book
by Rich Meyer

This book contains 301 questions (and answers) on all things sci-fi: Books, movies, TV shows, animation, comic books and even music! The science-fiction fans in your house will find themselves entertained, intrigued, and maybe even stumped now and again with the Science Fiction Quiz Book!






LINKS: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B006T8G5QA http://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B006T8G5QA

The Best Super-Hero Cartoons Ever,

Considering how yesterday I regaled you with the horror that was the 1978 Fantastic Four cartoon, the single worst super-hero cartoon in history, I thought I'd look on the brighter side of things and detail what I believe are the five best super-hero cartoons today.

Without further ado, let's start at the bottom and work our way upwards:

#5 The Fantastic Four (1967) Hanna-Barbera's attempt at adapting the legendary Marvel Comic hits on most cylinders. The stories were, for the most part, fairly faithful adaptations of the original tales, with some creative leeway given for some licensing problems (the Sub-Mariner, licensed to Grantray-Lawrence for The Marvel Super-Heroes daily cartoon, was replaced in a couple of episodes) and the general ban about not showing people actually hitting each other. It even managed to do a fairly good version of the first Galactus storyline, even though Big G was blue instead of purple for some reason.

The Fantastic Four and the Silver Surfer face off against Galactus,

#4 Batman: The Brave and the Bold (2008-2011) I know fanboys everywhere collectively cringed when this show was announced, a return to the campy Batman stories of the fifties and sixties. I think most folks, including those fanboys, were pleasantly surprised by the level of quality to the writing of these stories, and the use of oddball and obscure heroes to populate them. This series is worth seeking out on DVD, just for the Starro and Equinox storylines, as well as the classic "Chill of the Night" episode, in which the Spectre and the Phantom Stranger follow Batman as his origin is retold in a much more serious tone.

Batman and the Vigilante from a B:TBATB teaser.

#3 Avengers: Earth's Mightiest Heroes (2010-2012) I've only recently started watching this series, and unfortunately I've also discovered that its been cancelled to allow for an Avengers cartoon more in line with the movie. I haven't seen the big screen Avengers yet, but it now has one big black mark against it in my book. This was the way a Marvel Comics show should be done. Episodic, well-animated, lots of action and lots of characterization. It builds fairly slowly - Captain America doesn't make his proper appearance with this revamping of the original Avengers until Episode 9. This is just an all-around great TV show.

The original Avengers in animated form.

#2 Young Justice (2011-present) After five years of the mostly mediocre Teen Titans, I was hoping for a decent look at the younger heroes in the DC Comics pantheon. Young Justice does not disappoint. This has fragments and imagery from all the great DC super-hero cartoons of the past, from the Hall of Justice to the Watchtower. There are some great characters and some excellent stories in this cartoon series. The cast changes between seasons, but the quality and the depth of character is still there. Definitely worth a watch.

Arrowette, Robin, Kid Flash, Superboy, Miss Martian and Aqualad.

#1 The Tick (1994) The best super-hero cartoon is also the best super-hero cartoon parody. The Tick lasted for three seasons on Fox and is fondly remembered by almost everyone who saw it. The humor, the surrealism, the sheer goofiness brought viewers back and created a cult hit. I loved the live-action series, but it can't compare to Chairface Chippendale trying to write his name on the Moon, or the general wonder of Dinosaur Neil. This TV show, cartoon though it may be, can easily be stacked up against the best that the medium has to offer.

The Tick, Arthur, and many of the denizens of the best super-hero cartoon ever.

And, of course, if you like super-heroes, comic books and cartoons, feel free to check out my many quiz book e-books available through Amazon.com:

The Cartoon Trivia Quiz Book: Volume 1

Amazon US Link

Amazon UK Link

The Cartoon Trivia Quiz Book: Volume 2

Amazon US Link
Amazon UK Link

The Comic Book Quiz Book Volume 1

Amazon US Link

Amazon UK Link

The Comic Book Quiz Book Volume 2: 101 Comic Book Trivia Questions (Revised Edition)

Amazon US Link

Amazon UK Link

The Comic Book Quiz Book Volume 3: 1,001 Comic Book Trivia Questions

Amazon US Link

Amazon UK Link

The Comic Book Quiz Book: Volume 4

(The X-Men – Batman - Spider-Man - Fantastic Four – Showcase - Dell Four Color Comics – the Mighty Crusaders - the Tick – Harvey Comics)

Amazon US Link

Amazon UK Link

THE single worst super-hero cartoon in history.

They always say you can't go home again, and that's usually fairly wise advice. There are times when the yen for nostalgia takes over and you have to give in and take a look at the past. I have done this tonight. And I have paid the same price I did way back in 1978 when I first saw this particular cultural train wreck. 

Somehow Hollywood almost always manages to screw up when they adapt comic books, and particularly super-heroes, to the screen. Even the very best don't quite ring true to the source material. Billy Batson got his powers from an Egyptian wizard in The Adventures of Captain Marvel and packs heat for most of the serial. Superman II added some strange powers to the Man of Steel. The Rogues' Gallery of TV's The Flash was just the Trickster and a bunch of people who couldn't be bothered to wear costumes. But the worst super-hero cartoon series in history can only be one show: The New Fantastic Four. 

The year was 1978, and super-heroes were a somewhat hot property, though not nearly as popular as today in the movies. Superman the Movie had hit the theatres, and Spider-Man and the Incredible Hulk had respectable runs on CBS. The Fantastic Four had been adapted in the sixties by Hanna-Barbera, and is fondly remembered as the good Marvel cartoon of the sixties, as the Spider-Man series was fairly forgettable beyond the theme song, and the Grantray Lawrence nearly-animated cartoons were well-remembered and ridiculed both for being fairly consistent with the original stories and for being some of the cheapest animation in TV history. They were still a hundred times better than the New Fantastic Four. 

I'm sure most kids from the seventies remember the show, mainly for one thing: 



Yeah, you might've noticed it, too. It's the Fantastic Three and a little robot. The rights to the Human Torch had been optioned for a live-action development deal that eventually fell through, but not soon enough to stop them from making this travesty with H.E.R.B.I.E. the robot. I'd love to say Stan Lee was twirling in his grave some place because of that, but 1) the art-stealing bozo is still alive and 2) he just wants the cash to keep coming in, so he even did some voice-overs for this show. 

The second episode of the New Fantastic Four represents the nadir of an entire medium. "The Menace of Magneto" was so poorly written and characterized that even back then I remember staring at my TV and going "What the fuck?"

First off, Magneto makes his powerful and decisive entrance thusly:



Yeah, he asks for directions to the Baxter Building at a gas station. I realize that, yes, these were the days before Google Maps, Tom-Toms, and the like. But fuck. The Mutant Master of Magnetism, traveling in something that even Buckminster Fuller would've rejected, asking a service station attendant for directions to one of what has to be the four most famous buildings in New York City. There are things called maps. Oh, but magnetism doesn't affect paper. Guess that's why he needed the directions. And is the basis for the whole crappy show.

Magneto got to the Baxter Building, and right away challenged Reed Richards for the leadership of the Fantastic Four. After a short battle in their workout room, Magneto was triumphant. Soon after, Magneto's first assignment for the team was to protect a bank from being robbed by going there first and removing the money themselves. Naturally, they put the money in that thing that passes for Magneto's car and he took it to hide it from the robbers. 

Yeah, I know. Magneto. In alternate comic book realities, this mutant has nearly destroyed the planet on several occasions. In this animated world, he robs a bank. Well, now Reed is certain that Magneto is up to something (duh) and sets a plan into action to stop him from getting away with the money, which he was loading into his helicopter to fly across the border. I am not making that up, by the way.

After another short fight in which somehow magnetic powers are just as ineffective as having a stretchy body, Reed pulls out a gun on Magneto. The mutant bank robber finds he can't affect the gun in any way, and figures that Reed has found a way to neutralize his powers. And the cops come and take the distraught super-villain away to the hoosegow. Oh, and before he goes, Reed tells him that the gun was made out of wood and, essentially, he still has his powers.

Thirty seconds after that revelation, the iron-rich marrow of that cop's bones was pulled out of his nipples. 

Yes, Reed Richards' plan was revealed and Magneto still went along full of self-doubt. This was a retread of a Stan Lee plot point from an old issue of Incredible Hulk, in which ol' Greenskin managed to defeat an alien known as the Metal Master with a similar, though Hulk-sized weapon. The thing is, no one told the Metal Master what the kicker was, so he still thought he better move his ass back out into space. These cops are taking Magneto, who knows his powers still work, to a jail full of metal bars, steel-reinforced concrete, guns, handcuffs ... you know, like taking a kid with a sweet tooth to a candy store. I would've like to seen the episode that was broadcast in about a month. You know, after all the police funerals.

There is not a single redeeming feature to this episode. The animators had a unique approach to anatomy and proportion throughout this series, as in they didn't have one. Most of this shows' look like a kiddie coloring book that was colored in wrongly about 20% of the time. Even the episodes that should've been fun, like the one with the Impossible Man, are bland and boring. And like most cartoons of the sixties and seventies, actual humor was conspicuously absent. A vaudeville routine would've been more entertaining than some of the "good-natured ribbing" that takes place between the Thing and H.E.R.B.I.E.

Sigh. It would be nice, just once, to have a memory of a TV show or movie from when I was a kid that actually was up to snuff when I finally got around finding it again. I recently unearthed some episodes of The Man from Atlantis. I'm not holding out much hope, but I at least have some. Not like for the remaining twelve episodes of the New Fantastic Four.